It’s another rainy night. Day 6 an I’m struggling. As much as it rains is just as much as I cry. As I sit outside an wonder what life would be like tomorrow I realize the mysteries are yet to come. Some days are harder then others. Some days I think about you 60x vs 2000000x. Some days I go to call 700x an not every minute of the day. I tell myself it’s going to be ok. You have to heal to move forward an I’m really telling myself… Girl crawl in a whole an scream.
I wish everyday that you’d call an say you just want to work on us. Do some counseling shit forgive me. But instead I get one word text an when your around me you try an leave as fast as you came. I wish I got as much time as others get with you. Or the effortless conversation you have for hours where with me. An then it hit me. Your insanely in-love alone.
If you would have told me this a yr ago I would have told you your crazy. Now I’m telling myself your crazy. My o my how the tables have turned. When you fall in love things are different. Touch turns to a orgasm, tears turn to joy BUT when your truly in love you grow differently, you try tremendously an you love unconditionally.
I would pack up an move to the moon if you asked me to. I’d marry you tomorrow if given the option. So as the tears fall I always say maybe I should keep on the gloves an fight. But how do you have a fight when the other person has already tapped out? You can’t.
I want to get to the point of not wanting you, I want to get to the point where I can wake up an not hope that you texted or called, I want to get to the point where I can have a conversation an not bring up your name, I want to get to the point where I can go to the store an not want to call you because I see something you like, I want to get to the point where I don’t want to run in your arms an cry or just sleep. I want to get to the point where In a day I’m not thinking about wyd how are you etc all day, I want to get to the point where when I see you I’m not nerves where I can be in your presence an not want to move slow so the time can last longer.
I want that point for me because I’m insanely in-love with someone who has reached that point already. Your eyes doesn’t see me anymore. They only see the pain I caused to the heart I love so dearly. I realized sometimes you can change but the main person who you want to see your change WONT see it or even the forgiveness you’ve given to them. I’ve drop my gloves. 🥊 Because it’s too late.
We can’t change the past but what we can do is rewrite our future to grow together from our past. When you ready You know how to find me 🍑
🚶🏾♀️But if that day never comes At some point I’ll be ok with knowing that one last kiss I went all
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