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I'm Up

Writer's picture: Empress OnyxEmpress Onyx

I have always been the strong one from a young child! I fall and I was instantly told get that ass up you good! I fail a test... I heard you go back and do it again, you ain't no failure. I mess up a recipe I'm back in the kitchen doing it again. It was a pattern I swore to break because I hate repeating myself. So that fire was lit from hard work and dedication from a child. That's not something that can be bought or replicated no matter how better you think you are. So I manifest it daily because if I don't tell myself how amazing I am who will!! I am one of the definition of a strong as woman. People get it mixed up like she a strong black woman. No its not just because I'm a black woman, it doesn't make me stronger then a white or Latino woman shit Latino woman are strong as fuck they go through a lot too, No I'm a STRONG woman because of my back story. If we being honest half the stuff i have been through a lot of men couldn't even fathom. So that's what makes me the woman I am today, A STRONG WOMAN!! I have raised kids on my own. Shit I've even raised some grown ass men and woman older then me and upgraded them to the human's they are today. They might even be your husband or wife now!! Your welcome!! I don't regret none of that but what I do regret is putting so much energy in helping others that I forgot my story. I forgot who I was what I wanted to do an my own hustle. I put on like I'm good life great an don't get me wrong life is great but you'll never know when life is bad. So its time for me to do me and live for me and not for someone who doesn't deserve it at all. What I will not do is go and get into another relationship and put that Person first shit I won't even start a friendship and put them first. The only person I am putting over me is me!!! Well I forgot I am a mom of three boys so technically them first but right now this about me! I'm UP now. I'm first!!


Sometimes you have to sit down to see where the fuck you stand, When he said that I felt that completely and I been sitting back and watching. Have you ever been with someone and they do you wrong over and over and still you help them be better take them back, help them find that fire and cause of life in them? Help them be the person you see in them and then boom they want to make it as if they are better then you!! Like they could be great without you? That shit bothers me because you wouldn't be who you are if it wasn't for me you honey wouldn't have what you have if it wasn't for me. You a KING now because I made you one but don't ever look down on me because I'm only here because I allowed myself to put you first. It was for a love I was tricked into believing existed because all you did was love me wrong. I seen a post that said why woman can't be fine as fuck in the relationship they have to wait til after to find this glow up? Why you can't be about self in a relationship? I'll tell you why from my perspective! It's because as woman we attract broken people and those broken people suck us dry while we help them grow. We push them to do better. We see the light in them they wasn't shown as kids. Its like raising a kid if you tell them they will be a doctor for the rest of there life 9 times out of 10 they will become a doctor because the power of the tongue holds more weight then some people know. As woman we speak the greatness in theses broken people that cant speak for themselves. When the end of the relationship comes they are beautiful flower and we are sitting here fat and unattractive wondering our self worth. Why we wasn't good enough? Where we went wrong and why the fuck didn't we walk away at the first red flag. It takes a certain type of hurt for you to open your eyes and see they never wanted anything great for you they just wanted you because they seen a convenience or a opportunity. I was in a relationship and took a lot I did a lot too but mine was a reaction to the actions that happened constantly to me. I will tell you half the time when something was given back to the individual they couldn't take it! It was like they world ended. Like a baby that's sitting in the car seat that just got they pacifier taken away!! That was the first time I realized you ain't no King your a imposture baby!! Then when I knew it was time for me to walk away after years of lies, cheating and being treated in a disrespectful light as if I wasn't the queen or bad bitch that's walking out your life was when the motherfuckah opened her mouth and stated "I did what I did because I knew you would always be there. I knew you would always take me back." I had to think about it. Was she wrong? Hell no. Was I pissed off? Did I feel stupid? Was I hurt? How can I answer that question without sounding like a abuser!! I can't because the first thing that came through my head was... Should I take this bitch head off now or while she sleep? But hey it's a even playing feeling now!! It's time to show you why they call me a Queen. And why this Queen was one way before you was allotted your crown that I provided to you. See when your superior teaches you something you could never be better then the master. You could only learn what they gave you but never will I provide you with all the pieces to the puzzle! It's always a couple tricks up my sleeve that will keep me as your superior. When you make a meal out a cook book it never comes out as good as it did when the original person who made it did right? Well that's because they provide just enough for you to get close to the exact thing but it will always be a replica. So never think you are better then someone you had to hurt to get to where you are today because everything built on a lie is bound to fall.


So when he said sometimes you got to sit down to see where the fuck you stand I felt that. BUT NOW I'M UP

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